Chris’ Blog

Food:

As always food is a challenge: first identifying what it is you are eating and then deciding how to properly eat it. I’ve had some success in the cooking department. I’m starting to get really good at making stir-fry. The key was finding a good sauce. I picked up some Chinese Barbeque Sauce from the grocery store. It’s pretty good, but like most things Chinese has MSG and something called erythrosine in it. I think I might try to make my own sauce. I found dry mustard at the grocery store, but it was in a 2 litre can, so once I find a smaller one I’ll give it a go. I figure dry mustard, ketchup, Shanghai worchestershire sauce, and Roger’s golden syrup in the right proportions should make some killer sauce. I’ll let you know how it works out. I also made my own hot and sour soup. I said, “Well if a billion Chinese can do it, so can I.” So I went on the internet, found a few recipes and picked what I thought was the best one. I had no trouble picking up the “hard to find” ingredients and finally found a half decent pot. It says 18/10 on the bottom. Maybe someone who wasn’t napping during the steel section of his materials engineering course could tell me what that means. Oh, you were probably wondering how the soup turned out. It was pretty good. Not quite hot or sour enough. But that’s okay because I made enough to last me a week so every day I just add a little more vinegar another pepper. It’s too bad I forgot to buy bowls. It’s cup o’ soup for me.

I also picked up a few unique items at the grocery store. I picked up a Chivalry Plum soda. I took my first sip and thought, “That’s disgusting.” Then I said, “Let me try it again.” By the time I got to the bottom of the bottle I was wondering where I could buy some more. I also bought some coconut milk in a can. I haven’t tried it yet, but the ingredients are: natural mineral water (much better than sewer water), coconut juice (I was hoping there would be some in there), and cane sugar (one of God’s precious gifts to man). I imagine that it will taste similar to the Almond Juice I tried at a restaurant. It was good. There’s a funny story that goes along with that. On the can there was a picture of a glass of what looked like milk (I assume the Almond Juice), a peach cut in half, and some almonds. The only english on the can was Almond Juice, so I was pretty sure that there were almonds in it. I was with Shayne (the Canadian that stayed with me for a few weeks), Anderson (Chinese co-worker) and his wife Julie (maybe Julia), and Matthew (another Chinese co-worker). I asked Anderson to read the ingredients for me because I was curious as to whether or not there was peach in it because if there was it was very subtle. I don’t know if he ever did read the ingredients (I think it is taboo in China to read the ingredients) but he said there was no peach in it. I asked why there was a picture of a peach on the can. He said that it was made from the peach seed. I said, “No.” I told him that almonds don’t come from peaches; they’re nuts. He said that the almond nut came from the peach seed. Then everyone got involved. There were suggestions such as maybe it was an apricot or a nectarine. I said that may be the case, but no matter what fruit it is, a fruit pit is by no means a nut and that the can said almond juice and that almonds were certainly nuts and grew on trees, different trees than what peaches grow on. Then the example of the pine cone was brought up. I was asked what the seed inside the pine cone is called. I answered, “Pine seed.” It seemed logical to me. I was asked if pine seeds come from pine cones, then why can’t almonds come from peaches. I said an almond is not a seed. IT’S A NUT! Well, in the end I decided that perhaps it’s suggested that you drink the almond juice while eating peaches. I don’t think we ever decided exactly what the ingredients were. Note: I have now tried the cocunut milk. It’s not very good. I think I’d rather have some more plum soda.

I have found that Chinese don’t like reading ingredients or instructions or otherwise pieces of information that a foreigner like myself finds very useful. I tried to get one co-worker to read my rice cooker instructions to find out what the water to rice ratio should be as I was having great difficulties. I will spare you all the gory details, but I attempted making rice four or five times, each time the starch from the rice would boil up through the vent on the lid of the cooker and spill out onto the cupboard making a big starchy, goopy mess. I had tried various rice/water ratios and tried things like not closing the lid completely to allow more steam out. I had decided that my rice cooker was a piece of junk, but wanted someone to read the instructions. He basically refused, and so I asked how much water should I use. He said that he doesn’t know. He just goes by experience and he uses a different style of rice cooker. I might add that the rice cooker came with the apartment. I did not pick it out myself. I might also add that I have been very pleased with the furnishings of my apartment with the exception of the rice cooker. Well, I asked around at work to see what the correct ratios were. I mean there are only two ingredients to make rice. Well I got answers like, “You put in your rice and then you put your hand on top of the rice and add water until the water covers your knuckels or something like that.” Of course I asked whose hand should I use? Certainly my hand and Shayne’s hand were of different sizes. Was there a place where I could get my hand calibrated? Well, you will be happy to know that I finally found out at the US National Rice Association or some such website that you need about a 1 to 1 ratio and I was finally able to make rice and not a mess. Also, a rice cooker is the way to go for making rice. You put in the rice, put in the water, push a button. Done.

Another thing that I tried was a desert/breakfast thing called a Guai Guai Rice Pie (I wonder if it rhymes in Chinese). On the package there is what looks like a rice turnover with a cream custard filling pouring out the side. Very appetising. Well, I can tell you that the picture lies. It’s worse than Red Lobster. First of all the rice pie was about 1 quarter the size of the picture and it wasn’t a warm goldern colour, more of a pale white, and the custard was certainly in no danger of running out the side. As a general rule, I have decided that sweets made with rice should be avoided. No matter what the picture looks like it always tasts like some kind of rice cake. At least I still have my trusty custard pies and red chilli pepper chips. They never let me down. If anybody wants any shrimp chips or prawn cakes, just let me know.

I have also received a few recipes from different people. Thank you very much. They look pretty good, although there are a few ingredients that may be hard to find. I wonder if I can substitue fish head for turkey bone?

Also, I was very happy to hear from an older and wiser cousin that it is indeed possible to mix pancakes in a blender. The problem was with my technique. I think I will give it a try tomorrow.

Bumf:

I found out what bumf means. It wasn’t that hard; I just went to dictionary.com. You’re not going to like it:

bumf or bumph n. Chiefly British Slang (probably why I’d never heard of it before)
1. Printed matter, such as pamphlets, forms, or memorandums, especially of an official nature and deemed of little interest or importance.
2. Toilet paper.
[Short for bum fodder : bum + fodder.]

The “bumf” notice is also posted inside the washroom stalls. I have already notified my co-workers that I have no intention of following this policy.

Transportation:

I bought myself a bicycle. The Trust-Mart special, 169 yuan, or about 34 dollars. I’ll get a picture of it one day and send it out. The ride to work is 15-20 minutes instead of 50 minutes to walk. I much prefer riding the bicycle. Unfortunately, they were out of baskets when I bought it, so I still need to add a few upgrades. I need a bell too. You can’t drive in China without honking a horn or ringing a bell. One of the things I like about Shanghai is that most roads have a bicycle lane that is the same width as a car lane. Some roads even have the bicycle lane divided from the main road by a meridian. Of course that doesn’t always stop people from driving on it with their cars if the traffic is too congested, but overall it’s pretty good.

The people in Shanghai ride their bikes very slowly. So far I have never been passed except when slowing down to avoid crowds of people or vehicles. The people here don’t seem to worry about those things.

Also, in China, or at least Shanghai, you need a licence for a bicycle. I think it’s supposed to help protect against theft, because you can only get a licence if you have the original receipt. But I was told that I don’t need a licence by my co-workers because the police know that I won’t be able to understand them so they will never ask me why my bike doesn’t have one. So, now I’m an outlaw. I hope that operating a bicycle in China isn’t a capital offense.

First Company Outing:

We had our first Dowslake Shanghai company outing. It included supper at a restaurant followed by bowling. The meal was average (not as good as my stif-fry) and I don’t think there was anything special. As per usual, the fish came with the head and tail nicely arranged on the plate. Apparantly the cheek meat is the best. I tried one of the cheeks. It was alright. I think you might have to really like fish to be able to tell the difference, kind of like eating lobster and knowing that the left index claw (or something like that) has the best meat.

The bowling was much more entertaining. For many, it was their first time bowling. Many people liked to throw side-arm for some reason. Others would run up to the line, stop, and then try to throw the ball. My boss, Dan, was probably the funniest. Although she is quite shrewd and intelligent, I think she may have sacrificed physical coordianation for these things. Her method was to walk up to the line, start swinging the ball back and forth a couple of times and then let it go. I would like to add that she stood almost completely upright during this procedure and she weighs somewhere around 110 pounds. We were 10-pin bowling, so the balls are much heavier than 5-pin, about 10 pounds. Although she was the one that initiated the ball swinging, in the end I think it was the ball that was swinging her. Because she was standing up, when she let go of the ball it would be about 1 or 2 feet in the air, and she usually directed her throw downward, so the ball would smash into the floor, bounce a couple times as it rolled to the end.

Surprisingly, her technique usually put in her in the middle of the scores. Perhaps the funniest incident as this: One of the women, also her first bowling experince, on one of her shots let go of the ball at the wrong time and the ball was going very slowly. I guess she got impatient because she decided to throw her second ball before waiting for the first to finish. Of course the second ball was much faster than the first and it passed the first ball (which was in the gutter). When the second ball went through, the pin aligner came down just before the first ball got that far. The first ball tapped the alinger, whick blocks the gutter while the pins are being swept, and stopped there. When the aligner came back up, it pushed the ball so that it started rolling back, although not fast enought that it would ever come all the way.

Next it was Matthew’s turn. Not heeding the ball still in the gutter, he wound up and using his side-arm technique which is so popular, fired his ball straight into the gutter. I was wondering how long it would be before that happened. Not long. So, now are playing pool with bowling balls. The two balls collided with a sound similar to two rocks that hit dead-on in curling. He must of had some forward english, because not only did the original ball go flying forward, but his ball also followed closely behind it. I thought to myself, well at least that’s over with, but I was wrong. The first ball went through and of course the pin alinger comes down, just as the second ball comes along. Well, this time it was no mere tap, as before. The ball smoked into the pin aligner, causing the whole thing to shake and vibrate. All my co-workers burst into laughter and some guy that worked there came up, said something in Chinese and walked out to retrieve the ball.

As for myself, I did not too badly after I managed to compensate for the slope and other pecularites of my lane. I can’t imagine what would cause a bowling lane not to be level.

Why I hate banks: (You may skip this section if you’re not interseted in reading a depressing, bitter rant)

Let me tell you a story about a young man who has fallen victim to the policies and practices of the banking institutions. That young man is me. When I was a boy, I opened up an account at the Royal Bank. They gave me a little bank book and we very excited that I be starting my banking life out with them. As the years went on, and I started using the account to do things like withdraw and take out my money I realised that I was being charged for these things. I was quite disappointed since my charges would add up to 5 or ten dollars a month, considering I at the most ever had 50 dollars to begin with.

I was told by a friend that at the TD bank, you could pay on 2 dollars and get unlimited transactions. I did a quick calculation and decided that was better (although I still wasn’t happy about the 2 dollars). I went into the Royal Bank and asked to close my account. I was asked why and said that I was being charged too much money. I was told that I could have changed my service plan, but by now my mind was made up and away I went with my fifteen dollars or however much there was.

My relationship with the TD bank lasted until I moved to Edmonton where I transferred my accounts to the Alberta Treasury Branch who was charging less than the TD who had now increased their rates to five dollars per month. The ATB was either 2 dollars or free I can’t remember. I think they were my favourite bank. I got an ATB MasterCard (which according to my credit report is still active although I closed it about three years ago) and was quite happy there. I paid all of my bills on the phone and was patiently awaiting the day they would offer internet banking. That day would never come, as I moved to Ottawa where, of course, the Alberta Treasury Branch does not exist. I decided to open an account at the TD again as it was a national bank and my experience there was not too bad. In the meantime I had to open an account with either the CiBC or Royal Bank in order to process my student. I chose the Royal Bank despite the fact I didn’t like them but because I had not experience with the CiBC and as with most humans decided to pick what was comfortable over what might be better.

So, away we go to Ottawa, our Dominion’s capital. (Canada is officially called the Dominion of Canada in case you are interested). With my many years of experience I had devised a remarkable money management plan that necessitated three bank accounts: one joint account for Christine and myself for depositing money, paying bills, etc, and one personal account for each of us where I would transfer our allowances for the month. All in all it was a pretty good system. I know I couldn’t spend any more money on hats that month when my account was empty instead of saying, “Oh, by the way, I spent all the money we have on hats.” So, three accounts at 5 dollars per month equals $210 dollar per year. I was not overall pleased with that total, but I found the arrangement acceptable. It seemed a high price to charge for standard banking services when they get to make all that money investing my money.

Then came the fateful day, when in the mail I received a notification that TD and Canada Trust had merged …… to serve you better …… changes to the service fee schedule … In the end it amounted to about $25 dollars per month for the three accounts.

Now, a friend had previously told me about this wonderful new bank called the President’s Choice bank where there are no fees. I had always respected the President’s choices about cheese and potatoe chips, why not banking? I was interested, but at the time it was too much of a hassle. While now the day had come where better was more important than comfortable. I notified the TD that I would be closing my accounts, which included the three chequing accounts, a Brokerage account, and a US account (most of which were pretty much empty already). I then promptly went over to Loblaw’s (or the Superstore out west) to open our new bank accounts. Things were pretty good. I paid no fees. I had internet banking. There were snags every once in a while when I would want something like a certified cheque to buy a condo the day before I needed the cheque and was told that it would take two days to issue the cheque because, of course there was no branch that I could go to for service. Luckily I always had family that was willing to help me out in these situations.

So, life in the banking world was happy and good. I had also opened up a savings account with ING Direct (also free) which offered higher interest rates than a regular savings account. I believed that I had beaten the system. Then I moved to China. During the close of the Ottawa manufacturing location, my payroll was switched from the Canadian division to the US division. I was happy to find out that I would finally be paid through direct deposit instead of a paycheque which I had been doing previously. I was told that I needed to provide my bank account information and that there should be no problems. I was also told that the first payment would have to be a cheque in order to validate the system or some such nonsense. I called the President and asked if I could deposit a US cheque. They said it would be no problem, but that a hold would be placed on the cheque. A 30 day hold. Okay. I informed the company accountant that I could do it, but I was only willing to do it once since it would mean effectively missing one paycheque (I get paid every two weeks). I was later informed that the information I provided was not sufficient. I think it was because the information that was requested was not sufficient. I provided the newly requested information. No that still doesn’t work. In the end, I decided that international money transfers with the President just weren’t going to happen, especially when I found out that they have to route all international transactions through the CiBC using some special routing number. Judging from the competence of our company accountant (who once previously had handed me my paycheque when I was visiting our California office instead of sending it to Ottawa with everyone elses, it took a little explaining to convince her that I had no way to deposit a cheque to my account unless I was in Canada) and the amount of effort that the company’s bank was putting into it, I could tell that route would be far to complicated. I decided to give ING Direct a try. ING is a global company, so they must have the right numbers that would make everything work. Apparantly they do not accept international transfers. Oh well. I can’t be too disappionted with the President or ING. I mean, it’s not like I pay for it.

Then I remembered my Royal Bank account. Shayne, who has several family ties with the Royal Bank (and who probably shouldn’t show this e-mail to any of them), had told me that the Royal Bank would have the least problems. Okay, I still have my Royal Bank account because when they sent me a letter a few months ago threatening to close my account due to two or three years of inactivity I told them to keep it open. I guess that was a good idea. Best of all, I could open an account online, which is good because I’m in China. So I get Christine to send me my Royal Bank Card # (which I had never used) and away I go to apply for online banking. No problem. Then I am told that I am being sent an activation code which will give me full access, until then I have only limited access. Hopefully opening a new account is limited. No. Okay, so I am now two weeks in with no money. Christine has just deposited the second cheque that will have a 30-day hold put on it. I can either wait 10 business days (remember the term business days) for my activation code to arrive and Christine to e-mail the number to me or I can call in and try to convince someone to let me open an account. I chose the latter. “I’m sorry sir, but you can’t open an account over the phone.” I tried to convince him that I don’t see why opening an account is a restricted online thing. I should be able to open as many accounts as I want, everything is still secure, only the person with my bank card can remove the money. But it was no good. I had to wait for the code. Alright, well at least there is a solution to my problems.

Up until now, the only time we could get money was right after Christine deposited a cheque and before the bank realised that it was US funds and put a hold on it. So, that brings us to 4 weeks of cheque holding. I’ve been able to get the cash that I need to so far and Christine has been able to pay bills using the small windows of opportunity before the hold is placed. I get my activation code, punch it in, go through the open account process. “We are unable to process your request at this time. Please phone 1-800-… or visit your nearest branch.” Well there’s really only one option for me. I call Royal Bank. “I don’t know why you couldn’t open the account. I don’t know what the problem is. You can’t open an account over the phone.”

Whatever. I decide to wait another day. Maybe their system is running Windows and it needs to reboot before all of my features are fully activated. So the next day, I get through the process. “I am sorry, but there is a discrepency between the credit bureau records and our records on file. Please call … or visit your local branch.” Perfect then. I decidIe to skip the 1-800-MEATHEAD number and decide to call my branch directly. It’s on Whyte ave, next to the Safeway, and 15 hours behind me. So I get up at 6 and call my branch. “Can I speak to a personal banker?” “Who is your personal banker?” “I don’t know. I’ll take whoever is available.” I could tell it was going to be bad already. I explained the situation. He said that the only way to open an account was online or at a branch. I said that I chose one of the two methods, but that it didn’t work. I had done my part, but the Royal Bank could not do it’s part or at least tell what was wrong so that I could help them do their part… In the end, he was unable to tell me what the discrepency was and advised me that my best bet was to get my wife to open an account and beg them to make it a joint with me. If she goes to someone she knows, maybe they will be lenient. Right. Because my own branch was so lenient with me, I’m sure that another branch that has nothing to do with us will be quite helpful. Oh, and he said that I couldn’t open an account over the phone. Do you know what? I don’t mind. If some mob boss wants to call in, open an account in my name and deposit 2 million dollars into my account, I’ll take it. I have no problem with that. I can tell that my two-year standing balance of $1.46 is not helping my situation in any way.

So, now I step back to think. Well, I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do, but I need to get these holds removed since I see no quick solution to the whole problem. I call up the President. I ask what can be done to get the holds removed (30 days seems a little excessive). I said that if the cheque has already cleared the US bank can I get it removed. He said if I provide all the details it can be done in theory. A new thought occured to me. “This 30-day hold, are those 30 business days?” “Yes, I’m afraid they are.” “So, six weeks.” “Yep.” That was about two weeks ago. I’m still working on getting the information. I was told, “Oh the cheque number, account information, is all on the cheque,” by my company. That was useful information. If I still had the cheque to read off the information I needed I think I would have bigger problems than I do now.

Well, I believe that I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It looks like I will be in Ottawa for a couple days within the month where I will promptly open up a US dollar account. Of course I am still assuming that once that is done, my company will be able to deposit the money. (I’m pretty sure that their bank is at least as stupid as mine.) If not, I’ll just add the fees that the Royal Bank loves to charge to my expense report, which oddly enough is paid in Canadian funds. The last one included two plane tickets to Shanghai, so at least Christine and I have some available money in the meantime.

That’s about it. I left some of the details out because I’m really just getting angry writing about this. I can certainly see how the automation of just about everything has really left out the ability to deal with extenuating circumstances. You should have seen the e-mail I got back from the President, when about a year ago, I complained because their website told me that my browser did not have the proper security features for their site. I informed them that it was their site that was at fault and that it was actively blocking access to certing browsers. I may have also hinted that Microsoft and Time/Warner must be pretty important customers for President’s Choice to do such favours for them at the expense of customers like myself. That was pretty humourous. I think they’re due for another reminder.

I was actually impressed to find out that the Royal Bank does not block web broswers. Maybe that’s what they mean when they say, “We got to be Canada’s largest bank one customer at a time.” Certainly they haven’t been winning customers lately with their ability to be helpful.

Pictures:

Okay, I have one picture to include with this e-mail. It’s a picture of me. Feel free to make it the wallpaper on your desktop or forward on to modelling agencies. As you probably realised form the last e-mail I have grown a beard. Chinese as a general rule can’t grow beards, so I thought it would be a good way to make sure that I don’t get mistaken for a local. If you zoom in and look at my chin, you’ll be able to see that I have grey hairs. Is that crazy or what?

That’s all for now, Chris